Celebrations

Here's the Happy Couple!

Part One: In the Neighborhood

Hi! Today has been a very exciting day for us. It started out normal enough: Mark worked in his study while I worked on getting the floors and bathrooms to shine. At lunch we had a date for Mark to show me how to get started on the scooter. JoJo gave Mark a lesson yesterday, and I got my lesson this morning. I rode around the little, rarely used roads right around our house, getting used to the scooter. This is impossible to do without having fun. It is such a happy feeling having the wind blowing through my hair. It feels like flying. Getting started, I was a bit unsteady, and all the neighbors came out to watch as soon as they heard us trying to start the scooter. You have to kick start it, and it took me about 30 tries my first time with the whole neighborhood watching. Then I wobbled around the place and made other hilarious typical mistakes like getting the brake and accelerator confused. It was fun for everyone. Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere near a real road until I get really good on it.

The washing station at the wedding reception.

While this was happening, Diana and Dahlia, the two girls who live downstairs from us with their mother came out and invited us to dinner tonight and wished us a happy Onam. The main celebrations are actually tomorrow, not today like I thought (sorry Marilyn), but Onam goes on for five days and it has already started. Everyone is very happy here; you can feel it wherever you go, and people are wishing each other happy Onam. We accepted the invitation, and after I had fifteen minutes or so of riding under my belt Mark hopped on back. I drove us down to where traffic starts and then Mark and I switched places. He drove us into town to have some lunch, and I found a mix I could use to make a custard to take with us to dinner tonight.

On the way home, we ran into the wedding party down the street from our house. Remember the wedding we were invited to? When Mark deciphered the invitation we had discovered that the wedding was at 11:30 in the morning, far away from where we live. But then there was to be a reception at 4:00 at Revathi Auditorium much nearer to our house. We'd thought about going to the reception part, but Mark had a lot of work to do and I was probably leaning on the side of flaking out on going by myself.

Don't know what this is? Just wait.

Anyway, the man stopped us in the street and had us get off of our scooter and come in their house, which as you may remember is only 3 minute walk from our house. At this time it is in between the wedding and the reception. The groom ushered us into the front room which was small and filled with old women in beautiful saris, meticulously folded, sitting in plastic outdoor lawn chairs. There were two empty chairs and I sat nearest the women and Mark sat beside the door. Two men sat across from him. One was the groom's brother and he an Mark eventually kicked off a little conversation. In the meantime, I asked the group of smiling old women "How are you?" in Malayalam, and they all laughed and chattered off different responses, none of which I understood. Then the language barrier went up and we were completely out of things to say to one another. Everything I know how to say so far is practical. I don't know much to say when it comes to small talk or getting to know people. I guess I'll have to start back on my lessons.

This is the proud mother, wearing pink.

So there we were all smiling to each other and this goes on and on. I gestured and said in English that they all looked beautiful, which they did. Everyone had on their fancy saris and flowers in their hair. Then one of the mothers, I was never sure which, came downstairs, and she was immediately in charge. She brought us out a plate of delicious little bananas and a glass each of Tang. She held my hand tightly most of the time we were there, and sat down next to me. She seemed to be totally taking me into her friendship, and also kind of claiming me. She took me upstairs where the bride was altering her outfit with the help of two young women her age in matching purple saris. This was our first time to meet, and I was backstage in her dressing room! Again, I told her how beautiful she was and congratulations. I went back downstairs and sat back down. Soon, the bride came down and sat beside me. Her attendants stayed on the stairs as there was no more room to sit or stand.

I got to take in all of the wedding costume, the rings, the flowers in the hair, the bracelets, the maroon and gold sari, while her mother fixed one of the pins holding her sari in perfectly flowing folds. Her mother also used a bobby pin to affix a gold chain on top of the bride's scalp, that hung about three inches down the center part of the hair and ended with a jewel on her third eye. While this was happening I also noticed that the brides' earrings had long chains which swept back and were pinned into her hair a few inches behind the ears. After we had all sat around smiling and gesturing for ten minutes or so, we got up to leave, giving assurances that we would attend the reception in Mannanthala at 4.

I rushed home, made the custard for tonight and got dressed to go. Mark had to work. When I was ready, he gave me a lift to the rickshaw stand so I didn't have to get all sweaty on the way. Plus I was already late. The driver took me to the auditorium which was like a nice reception hall. There were balloons hanging on the way in. I saw a bus load full of people leaving, and realized I had missed the first part and a lot of people. The groom saw me right away and walked me away from the bus to find his mother. She took me into a room where people were eating at tables and sat me down at a table and sat down beside me. A man brought us each a plate of food. There was Biryani which is this yummy dish with rice and cashews and raisins and there were some onions in yogurt and a crisp light fried paper thin bread, and chicken in a spicy sauce. She and I sat in silence and ate with our hands (the way it is done here, always), side by side. I think we both felt very happy, and understood that eating together was the best way we had to share a connection, since we couldn't converse. I was sure she had already eaten; the gesture seemed rich with symbolic meaning. After I got home Mark told me that this was quite an honor for her to sit and eat with me. After eating I visited with the bride and groom for a moment, and then was seated in a foyer with the same group of old ladies. This time I was able to decipher that the woman next to me was asking me where my sari was. I explained that I don't have one, and I don't know how to wear one. I wasn't dressed formally enough for the event, but everyone understands and was so friendly to me. There were three very giggly ten year old girls sitting across from me wearing long beautiful dresses and light make-up. They asked my name, and we conversed for a few minutes about school and where they live.

And then I said goodbye to everyone and left. I had given an envelope with our name on the front and the amount of money JoJo had told us was a customary gift. He said, "When you are speaking with them, hand the man the envelope and say 'Keep this with you', and he will put it in his front shirt pocket." I did exactly as JoJo had instructed, and sure enough, the envelope was folded and put in the groom's front pocket.

Part 2: Roadside Happiness

On the walk to the rickshaw stand I passed one of the many mandalas that people are constructing around the city for Onam. Many are made of flowers, but when flowers are too expensive, other things are used, in this case dyed salt. This one was made by some young men, and had music speakers set up and blaring. I took a little video from across the street and the boys gestured to me to come over. I crossed the street and stood looking at the mandala and its hut. Everything about it was beautiful. To see these young men happy, celebrating, obviously feeling light and joyous, making beautiful designs on the earth.

I walked on just past the hut. There was a row of shops on both sides in this little bend in the road, and people coming and going everywhere. A few older men sat outside the shops just in front of me, watching the street and world go by and the celebrations and the preparations while talking to their friends at the tailor's who had their machines set up practically out on the sidewalk. Everyone on both sides of the street saw me and I saw them. Seeing the Mandala, how patiently it was made, had moved me. The old men watching me seemed to know before I did that some thing was happening. That I was experiencing something very wonderful for the first time. Their curiosity and sweet smiles and a twinkle of knowing in their eyes gave away their secret.


And then I forgot myself. I just had to stand there on the side of the road and not care who watched while I let myself experience the joy that was overcoming me. The energy of the people around me, the loud music, the comings and goings of bicycles and pedestrians and street traffic, the colors, it all seemed a masterpiece composed by a divine playwright. I felt as if I were a node in a matrix of universal connections that had just stepped into the right spot and lit up, receiving a huge beam of clear light. Tears of joy welled up, and I decided that I had stood and stared long enough. I was just standing there looking about and smiling, but I knew my rapture had been observed, and I could feel some of the people around me sharing in my delight. I didn't want to start crying. So I retreated from the road to the shops and sat on a step for another ten minutes or so until the feeling had mostly subsided.

I walked on and got a rickshaw home and came in and wrote this post. Now it is almost time for us to have dinner with our neighbors. The woman's' parents are in town, visiting, too. Her husband, like many men here, works in the Gulf and isn't home most of the time. They miss each other.

I haven't added pictures yet, so I will do that after dinner and get this up. Tomorrow is the big celebration and we are going downtown with JoJo where there will be lots of fun and excitement. If I didn't post this now, it would probably get lost after tomorrow. Lots of love!!!
-Asenath

Part 3 : Tummies Full

Wow! We just came back from dinner with the downstairs neighbors. I couldn't post this without describing our experience tonight. Anu's father, Diana and Dahlia's grandfather, greeted us at the door. He couldn't be any sweeter. I have been in their house a few times before, and it is always pleasant, but tonight you could tell that everything had been thoroughly cleaned and arranged for Onam. Everyone was also dressed up. Not as much as people had been at the wedding, but definitely in special clothes for Onam. We sat and conversed on the couches for a while, and then Anu said "Shall I serve?". We assented and she got up, followed by her daughters and went into the kitchen. Two banana leaves were brought out and laid on the table. Banana leaves are commonly used instead of plates here. They are huge! They get cut into a circle or oval, much larger than a regular sized plate and laid on the table. These were actually plastic banana ones, like artificial Christmas trees. Every table, in a home or a restaurant has a basin to wash your hands in nearby, and you always wash before eating, since you eat with your hands. As we washed, I wondered when the other banana leaves would be laid out. Anu and her daughters made a circular wind going from the kitchen to the dining room bringing out one dish at a time and spooning some of each on our banana leaves. We were invited to sit down. Our places were side by side at rectangular table. Grandfather stood on the opposite side of the table watching as we were served. More and more came, ending with a portion of rice and the crisp flat bread. These would be used to scrape and sop up all of the other curries, gravies, relishes, and other things that were in little piles or puddles on our plates. Finally Anu said, "Finished." Her mother stayed in the kitchen, but Anu, her father, Diana and Dahlia all stood and sat around the table watching us eat every bite. This took a long time because as soon as one thing was finished it would be replenished by one of the girls.


Mark with Anu's father after dinner

The whole family is incredibly wonderful to be around. The young girls are obviously both very curious and intelligent. Dahlia, the youngest, quizzed me on Spanish words and wrote them down so she could practice. She has learned a few from a cartoon, but has never had a chance to be around someone who can tell her more words in Spanish. Both of the children are so mature and emotionally healthy. Diana is very composed and mature. She is fun and interesting in conversation and very polite. Dahlia is a little more of a free spirit, very talkative, inquisitive and frank. She was learning how to do the serving and was a little nervous about spilling, but she did great. So we spent at least an hour eating. After we had several helpings of everything on our plates we were served two courses of different deserts.

I was actually quite comfortable with having my every bite watched. The food was very good, and so I was able to eat enough to show how much I liked and appreciated it. The conversation was delightful. After it was over, we went back to the couch to talk more. Then another couple with a young child arrived, and I realized that it was time for us to go so that they could do this all over for some other guests. This is the tradition. The foods we were served are traditional, too, the way we eat certain foods on certain holidays. So we said good bye and left, and I can hear them downstairs now, laughing and entertaining their next set of guests. This meal is called Sadya or Onam Lunch (even though it is nighttime). Mark read a quote today from a Malayali that said something like "We should have Onam Lunch even if it means we have to sell all our possessions." Here is the the family!

Loving Family, Gracious Hosts, Our Fantastic Housemates

So we had Onam Lunch. That's twice today I was fed delicious meals. And Anu told me to pick my favorite dish (and I did) and she will teach me how to make it on Wednesday or Thursday. She is a school teacher, and she and the girls have all week off for the holiday. Tomorrow's celebration is supposed to be out of this world. I am so excited! Love, A